Sunday, November 9, 2014
November 2, 2014
I wanted to share my heart a bit on this Orphan Sunday. I know Mike has written a few short notes to you already. But I feel called to share a story. If you take time to read it, it will touch your heart.
It is amazing to me, that after 40 years this November of walking with God in a personal relationship, that I realize more and more how much I do not know, and how very far I fall from being like Jesus. I feel like I should be so much closer but then He reveals another broken part of me.
Last night was all night prayer and worship in Pass Rein. As I stood and assessed where I would sit or stand in the crowd of probably 300 at that point a little girl about 7 years old named Schinina ran to me in the dark and threw her little arms around my legs and held on for about 5 minuets. Her cousin T-LeLe and her love hanging out with us when we are in Pass Rein. I was offered someone else's chair, which I usually turn down, but I was already tired and it was all night prayer and worship so I accepted the offer. Schinina crawled up on my lap and grabbed my arms and wrapped herself up in them. She only left my lap when she had to pee, as she put it, or when I left to pray over someone. Mike had brought a couple of handfuls of peanuts with him, a gift from a pastor and his wife who send treats to us sometimes. I put a handful of them in my pocket and let her pick them out and eat them.
She stayed with me until 4:30 in the morning. When church was over I walked with her in the dark to the short path that leads to her hut. She started to tell me why she could not go to the hut. I told her she needed to and kissed her on the forehead and said goodnight. Then I walked away. When I turned back I could see her coming after me. It made me cry. Cry because she wants love so badly, cry because I see her wandering all over Pass Rein with no one watching out for her, cry because I can not protect her, cry because I can not heal the fungal spots on her body, cry because I can not make sure she has eaten that day.
During the night we prayed for at least 40 people for healing and restoration, we also prayed for over 80 young girls who were struggling sexually. From my experience here I would say most of them were not choosing sex. It was humbling to watch that many come forward knowing their own community was watching and ask for help and prayer. But, among the huge numbers there is always the “one”. The “one” God points out. The “one” your called to minister too! It means I will be on my hands and knees in the dirt with her, it means I will probably get scratched or accidentally kicked in the process. It means I will hold her sweaty body and try to keep her from writhing too much and hurting herself on something, it means I will look in her eyes and try to see if the enemy's legions have left her or if Jesus has more work to do. The “one” is why I said yes to Jesus.
But, I have to remind myself of that “one”, when the beggar will not stop harassing me, when the man in the market is making sexual comments about me, that I only understand in part, or when I get upset with a child who has made a bad choice for the 12th time, I have to remind myself of that “one” when I am hot, frustrated, and exhausted. Oh how I wish I got it right each time.
The other day Mike and I were having a disagreement and I said “it's not fair I have given up everything, my home, my belongings, my children and my grandchildren, everything.” It made me even more mad when he said I had given up little in comparison. But he was right. You see God is changing my perspective, it is starting to not look so American, but it is not looking Haitian either, It is looking a bit more kingdom like. By this statement I do not mean that I am more Christ like, quite the opposite, I just see my short comings and failures oh so much more lately.
I am trying to spend my life on the people of Haiti and there are days when I struggle just to see joy. Days when we have no water, the solar power has failed, when we do no have money for the 1150 children the school directors have just finished signing up, When the nanny's are not doing what they have been asked, when some of the children have made a poor choice and the enemy is riding on my back and whispering in my ear, failure, your a failure. Sometimes I am trying to discern whether God is trying to tell us something or the enemy is attacking us, and I want to just sit down and cry. We are in the front line and in desperate need of people being with us.
One of the verses I hang onto is 2Corinthians 4:16-18;
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
So in closing we need you. We need your prayers, we need your notes of encouragement, we need your physical support, we need your financial support, we need you to share with others, but above all we need to get more of the children sponsored out, so we can meet their needs. So little girls like Schinina have food, water, medical care and the ones caring for her understand protecting and watching out for her. You see it is very holistic, it is like everything is broken and needs to be retaught. Please help us in the battle for His children...He is calling!